Honestly, the inspiration for The Unhealthy Series came from a rather strange combination of things: a divorce, years working in healthcare, an excessive amount of human pain, an unscrupulous number of personal development books and, finally, the psychology component of the degree I completed in 2021 (post-divorce era, because that’s how I roll).
As a nurse, I had been given what I would now describe as the CliffsNotes version of human psychology. Mental health was one subject offering, and if I’m being completely honest, I had no interest in becoming a mental health nurse. At the time, it simply wasn’t where I saw myself. I had worked in enough heaviness and, quite frankly, I love being light, bright and fun.
Kristy hugs anyone? Only the select few know what it’s like to receive a Kristy hug – when you know, you know. Someone once told me, “It’s because you mean it.”A hug really is the best medicine and, if it’s from the right person, can heal all wounds.
But the subjects I studied during my degree did what they always seem to do — they made me ask a lot of questions. They opened the door to something I found incredibly interesting: human behaviour, but on a whole new level.
Why do people behave the way they do?
Why do we stay when we know we should leave?
Why do we repeat patterns we swore we would never repeat?
Why can two intelligent people find themselves in relationships that slowly chip away at who they are?
And, perhaps most importantly, why are some things so much easier to talk about when they are happening to someone else?
The idea for the series really grew from years of witnessing and observing interesting humans and their even more interesting character traits. Those observations have formed the beginnings of the character arcs I’ll be writing about.
The scene is set here in Brisbane, but I’ll be changing the names of the suburbs because, A: I want to keep the Brisbanites guessing and B: that’s the beauty of fictionising things. You don’t actually have to stick to the script.
There is something about going through your own tragic life changing events that makes things bubble up to the surface, and relationships ending are certainly one of those moments that make you question EVERYTHING – at least I did. There is nothing quite like having your own life pulled apart to make you take a long, hard look at yourself.
Therapy became part of that process, and so did looking at my own character flaws, behaviours and patterns. Honesty is my best policy. It keeps me humble and willing to grow, learn from my foibles and then, once I’ve done the growing, have a good laugh at myself.
The truth is, I’m not particularly different from anyone else I’ve ever crossed paths with.
I’m human.
I have flaws.
I have made questionable decisions.
I have behaved in ways I’m not particularly proud of.
I have also behaved in ways that, with a little hindsight, are bloody funny on reflection.
There is something I heard recently from a fellow Christian friend who had done some time in prison. He asked his pastor why he did the things he did and why people get sick and don’t get better.
His pastor’s response was something along the lines of:
Sometimes having your freedom taken away helps you to REALLY appreciate it when you have it back.
That stuck with me.
So I guess these book series is also, in some ways, a part of my own redemption story and many others I have met along the way. A path back to freedom for us all and an exploration of how not to make the same mistakes again, or at least try your hardest not to.
But alas…Human!
And THIS TIME I have my friend Holy Spirit helping me along the journey to hopefully help me and prompt me. Thank goodness!!
Somewhere in all of the last few years, I lost a lot of people along the way. I met a whole new group of people, lost some more when I gave my life to Christ and, somewhere amongst all of that change, I realised I had a lot of characters who had stories that wanted to be told. These aren’t all going to be biblically sound, so please read these books at your own discretion. As always – we know the book of truth. These books are creative expression being born from human experience.
I also wanted to root for these characters I have developed. Watch them learn, watch them stumble, and watch them hopefully discover some of the things I’ve learned and observed over the past few years.
Not literally. Well… not yet.
I started taking little snippets of people I had encountered over the years — their quirks, behaviours, personalities, contradictions and interesting little foibles — and turning them into fictional characters. Popped them into a character profile and voila we have the first four books in the series. The absolute joy of creative freedom!
But people are endlessly fascinating. Give me a room full of them and I’ll probably start wondering what makes each one tick. Observe and watch, take mental notes and probably put some of their traits into one of these books!
So, why unhealthy relationships? There are plenty of reasons.
If you start from the muck, you can only go up from there!
I’m not sure about you, but I am ALWAYS the person who roots for the underdog.So I guess the question isn’t really why unhealthy relationships?
It’s more like…Why not?
I think so many of us know, somewhere deep down, that we may not be in a healthy relationship – home, work, friendship circles and what actually makes you happy from the inside out. But attachment, trauma and so many other factors can play a huge part in why we stay and why we don’t.
Social media has certainly made some of these conversations much louder. And since COVID, I feel like so many people have started questioning a lot of things.
And perhaps that is part of what fascinates me about unhealthy relationships.
The unhealthy isn’t always obvious.
It’s often quite subtle. Think of the crab pot analogy.
You don’t necessarily notice the temperature changing when you’re already sitting in the pot. By the time you realise it might be time to jump out, getting yourself out and moving into a completely different environment isn’t always as easy as it sounds. Australian culture is very well known for this.
Unhealthy relationships don’t always look like the relationships we have been taught to fear.
And this is where taboo becomes important to me.
Because there are still things we don’t like talking about.
The truth is, sometimes…
We don’t like admitting that we stayed.
We don’t like admitting that we were lonely while we were in a relationship.
We don’t like admitting that we ignored the signs.
We don’t like admitting that we sometimes participated in the dysfunction because it felt normal.
We don’t like talking about the parts of ourselves that aren’t particularly flattering – because vanity metrics matter more. Even though I do not have any active social media accounts, for the very reason I could no longer stand the fake surface level stuff. It irritated me and I was over being irritated and wanted to live my life in peace. So I did just that. Doesn’t mean thats forever either. This blog, for now, is where I sit on the interweb. Sharing stories of triumph and victory, with a bit of discomfort somewhere in there for good measure.
I love to be curious and open minded and open hearted to the truth – It means curiosity, growth and peace of mind. Honesty cuts away the crap, it cuts away a whole lot of things so healthy can become available (even if we don’t always know it straight away) and who doesn’t want that?
It means asking the uncomfortable questions and being willing to sit in the discomfort long enough to be honest, even when it feels deeply uncomfortable. Done in safe spaces it can bring transformation.
To be able to say:
Yep. I did that.
I contributed to that.
I made that choice.
And I want to be better.
Why did I accept that?
Why did I stay?
Why did I keep going back?
Why did I stop being myself?
And perhaps the biggest question of all:
Who was I before this and who do I want to be moving forward?
That is really what sits underneath The Unhealthy Series for me.
The romance is the vehicle. Because who doesn’t love a bit of romance! The unhealthy relationship is the mess. But coming home to yourself? Oh man, that is sooooo much better and the freedom once you finally surrender to that. Delicious!
That’s the story I’m actually interested in telling.
And maybe that’s why I like to write about complicated people doing complicated things. Because we’re all a bit complicated. And that’s what I love about humans. Underneath all the flaws, questionable decisions, interesting relationship dynamics and wonderfully interesting human foibles, there is usually a person trying to figure out how to be themselves again.
We’re all more than what we see on the surface.
Like that beautiful iceberg analogy psychologists like to use when talking about human behaviour.
What we see is only the tip. Underneath it? There is a whole lot more going on. And maybe that’s where the really interesting stories live. And honestly, I think that’s something most of us can relate to.
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